Those of you who know me will know that I was diagnosed with MM early in 1999 with high levels of para-protein IgA kappa. Following treatment it returned quickly and then completely disappeared by Jan 2000. It returned as a trace briefly in 2010 and disappeared again one year later without treatment. I was always confident that para-protein was under control and still is to this day as my Oncologist tells me it is too low to count. I did not want to know too much about this cancer, I do not say 'My Cancer' because I do not want to own it or give it energy. All my energy went into belief that I could defy my original 3-5 year prognosis with ongoing treatment. The first treatment was enough for me at the time and I was determined to prove my oncologist wrong. If you read my blogs you will find out what I believe and how I managed for 17 years without any treatment. I changed Hospitals and my Oncologist because my original Oncologist was responsible for putting doubt in my mind, the outcome was my 2010 result after a battle with depression following our conversation a couple of years earlier. I regained most of my belief and the cancer disappeared again by 2011. My mind was a huge influence on me and my blogs will tell you that the mind is weak and our sub conscious beliefs are so powerful. Anyway, I believe it opened the door to something that my Oncologist did not explain, my Kappa levels were rising rapidly. What the hell was Kappa? This was new, my focus was on para-protein. I was blindsided as I was not prepared and could not find it within me to fight, even though my para-protein was under control. Sadly, by the time I realised that I needed help I had lesions in my spine, ribs and hips, I could barely walk and was in so much pain, I even had a tumour in my left lung, I needed morphine just to enable me to function. Once I had met my new Oncologist and he actually listened to me. He was so amazed I had lasted so long without treatment. To cut a long story short, I accepted treatment to allow me time to get my Mojo back. This was akin to being hit with a sledgehammer; many of you will know what I mean.
However, they did not get me full remission and following my transplant my levels had risen. A month after my treatment I made the decision to stop all treatment and medication. 4 months later, here I am, My levels have dropped, all pain has gone apart from a bit neuropathy, which is reducing, and I believe I have my control back. Once again I have no fear, my mojo is certainly back and friends tell me the have not seen me look so well in years. I have decided I will carry on at work, I have a tough job, both mentally and physically but I love it. Happy days, I am certainly here for the long haul.
My advice, never give up, never give in to fear, I did and paid the price, and even though that mountain seems unassailable, it is still possible to get to the top where the view is so much better. Belief and faith in ourselves holds awesome power, but it works both ways. You have it all, you were born with it, if you look to your mind or outside of yourself, you will not find it. The mind can only come up with fear, the true self, the eternal loving energy that came to our Earth School deep within you is yearning to be recognised, and in the recognition you find the faith in you as the healer. As Jesus said "I did not heal you, YOUR FAITH DID." This is a lesson for us all - and I am not religious. Why is in my posts.
